Cheese for the Paparazzi!
by kolachess
Summary: In which the Generation of Miracles is a boy band, there are crazy fans everywhere, threats are made alongside omelettes, misunderstanding and chaos are homosexual lovers, the pizza boy is actually a girl, and one Kuroko Tetsuya, crew member, is the only thing holding everything together. Life is tough. Crack! Protective!GoMxKuroko.
1. Track 01: Introduction

**A/N: **Hello, all! Ok, so the whole time I'm watching KnB, I'm thinking, "Wow...they really should be pop stars [in reference to the GoM]". So then I thought, "Meh, why not?" and wrote this...whatever it is. Let me just be up front about this: this is the first story I wrote that is completely up-in-the-air and for fun. Meaning, I wrote whatever crap came to my mind or didn't come to my mind, haven't beta-ed it, and don't really care if it makes a beautiful piece or whatnot.

My Muse is just telling me to take this and run! This is very different from my other stories because I always spend at least four or five thorough times going through each chapter for my other stories. And I always have quite a few chapters written before I start posting. This...just drabbles. We'll see where it goes!

This'll be in drabbles. Therefore, updates will be sporadic if ever (kidding, I do have a few scenes written).

Hope you guys will enjoy regardless of the crazy way this story was born!

**DISCLAIMER:** Fan-fiction means fan-written means written by fan means FAN not AUTHOR and thus don't own. No profits are made, no real life person's reputation was damaged. No sue-ability. Please.

**WARNINGS:** Crack, crack! And more crack-a-la-omelette style. Ok seriously though, rated T for bad language. *Rating may change in future chapters.

* * *

**Track 01**: **In Which Kuroko Introduces His Demise**

If someone walked up to him one day and asked him if he was crazy, his answer would be a definite, firm, loud and resounding 'yes'. Well, perhaps not so much loud and resounding, given that his voice carries about as well as a fish walks on land (i.e. not at all). And to be honest, firm is something he is not—assertion was never his strong point, although sometimes bluntness plus timing manages to achieve a similar effect. Nothing in the world was ever definite really—what if a meteor suddenly crashed into the earth? Things would most definitely change.

But actually, the most convincing argument that this scenario would never ever happen was the fact that _no one_ would ever walk up to _him_ to do _anything_. Because no one ever notices him. Because no one even knew who he was. Well, no one in the normal—sane—world, that is. The people who do know him and see him and talk to him and bug him and cry to him and serenade dramatically at one in the morning to him are completely, irrevocably and hopelessly _in_sane. And people who are insane do not go around asking others if they're insane. They just pat you on the back with a gleeful smile and say 'Welcome to the family'.

That is, after all, the first thing _he_ heard the day he realized he was insane.

It was the day he somehow became the first (and only permanent) crew member for the newly formed and soon-to-be internationally renowned singing group, Kiseki-GENERATION.

Here's how it happened in a nutshell:

Akashi.

...

Well, he supposes he should elaborate more than that.

Akashi Seijuuro was his cousin's at-the-time boyfriend's younger brother's bully.

In his own defense, Akashi claims it was all a huge misunderstanding. He never bullied the kid; he only held up a pair of scissors and clicked them a few times while making 'I'll kill you' gestures and staring him down menacingly...every Tuesday.

But really, it wasn't bullying.

Anyways, so the kid's American football player of a brother—Kuroko's cousin's at-the-time boyfriend—decided to go knock Akashi down and around a bit, to show him up and warn him off, but ended up getting the crap beaten out of him instead along with a new and not-so-appealing hairstyle—courtesy of Akashi and his scissors. After that, his cousin (a pink-haired busty and chirpy girl named Momoi Satsuki and who had a thing for powerful guys—hence why she had started dating her at-the-time boyfriend) dumped him for Akashi. Well, she did dump him for Akashi, but Akashi never really gave a shit about her and never agreed to become her friend let alone boyfriend. Not that it discouraged Momoi any bit.

But that's how Kuroko met Akashi—on one of her 'I want to stalk Akashi-kun but not make it look purposeful and that's why you're here' escapades.

Now, Momoi Satsuki stood out about as much as Kuroko managed to stay invisible (her F-cup bra size stood out the most). So when the pair 'accidentally' stumbled into Akashi while he was on his way back from the convenience store and the first person he addressed was Kuroko and not Momoi (with a very dark 'who the hell are you?'), an odd friendship was formed.

Well, they _called_ it a friendship.

In any case, somehow after a couple of months, Akashi ended up becoming Kuroko's roommate. The light-haired boy had been living by himself for a while. His dad worked overseas while his mom traveled often. The condo was practically his, and he was sure his parents wouldn't have minded a few extra thousand yen a month. So he figured there could be no harm in taking on a roommate.

They were 'friends', but rarely talked. Mostly, their conversations consisted of Akashi's senseless mumbling and Kuroko's monosyllabic replies. Their interactions occurred mostly on the battlefield of 'Sengoku Basara', the game.

Kuroko always figured that the redhead was one of those rebellious high school students who spent more time wandering the streets rather than being studious and would eventually become society trash. He never really sought much into the matter. It wasn't that he was heartless. It was just that...well. Akashi-kun would be Akashi-kun, regardless.

It wasn't until Akashi brought it up one day that he learned that not only had other boy already _graduated _high school _early_ and _at the top of his class_—Akashi was a couple of years older than Kuroko, who was a second year in high school—the 19-year-old was the inheritor of a big business firm and quite successful at what he did and what he would've done had he continued and actually taken up the mantle of CEO.

But if there was one part Kuroko got right, it was rebellious. Akashi Seijuuro, while intelligent and ingenious at business-play, had zero interest in continuing his father's regime. What he loved was music—and scissors—and hence, moved out as soon as he found an available place. He grabbed his important belongings, transferred all his savings into a new account—he knew his father kept tabs on his current one—and cut ties with the old man. Quite literally. There was a dark crimson tie with subtle silver streaks running down it diagonally that his father loved to make him wear to business events and formals. And so nothing had pleased Akashi more than the look of horror on his father's face when he took his favorite scissors, set them to his father's favorite tie and cut it right up.

And then he ended up in Kuroko's spare bedroom.

A few more months into their new living arrangement, Kuroko learned that Akashi was the leader of a band. Apparently it was a small one that hadn't even seen any sort of venue. When the curious boy asked his roommate why the latter never told him or invited him to see them play, Akashi let out a laugh and said that there was no point in performing for an audience now. Only when they were perfect, only when being number one was absolute, would they let others hear. Kuroko had simply blinked and chalked it up to Akashi's slight insanity.

The first time he met the band, 'Kiseki GENERATION' as they'd dubbed themselves, it was after they got signed. Kuroko has no idea how it happened. For one, none of the members had ever stepped foot onto any venue platform and so Kuroko just assumed they were one of those 'garage-bands' as they were known in America. They hadn't even performed for any sort of audience whatsoever, if what Akashi said was true.

But they got signed. Somehow, Akashi convinced—probably threatened—one of the recruiters to listen to a recording, and the man apparently agreed instantly.

So the first time he met the band was after they got signed. And somehow that day, he got caught up helping them out.

And that had been the end of his normal existence.

On that day, by some unfortunate alignment of the cosmos, he had become the first unofficial crew member.

_'Welcome to the family, Kurokocchi!'_

Indeed.

**~End of Track 01**

* * *

**End Notes: **Well there you go! Hope you enjoyed the first installment! Or not. Hmm...I would love your inputs either ways! And like I said, this is unbeta-ed. So please, any mistakes = please point out for me! Thanks!

Until next time!

_Next Track:_ **In Which Three Fans Make Two Mistakes Concerning One Favorite Crew Member**


	2. Track 02: Mistakes

**A/N:** WOW guys. There was definitely a much huger response than I anticipated! Thanks so much, you wonderful people! You really flatter this crazy writer! :3 Thanks to all those who read, and extra thanks to all those who reviewed/followed/favorited this story! As a reward, here's a fast and longer update! Hope I won't disappoint!

I try to PM all reviewers, so if you left an anon-review (AKA you were too lazy to log in; I'm guilty of that so much :D) then check the bottom of this chapter for replies!

About this chapter—Let me just say, this is one of my guilty pleasure chapters in which cliché is abused. :D I wish these things would happen in real life. For me, that is.

This is also a lot longer than the first installment, as you guys will soon notice. Just so you know, there is no set length for these drabbles nor any chronological order.

Well then for all you lovely people, I present track 2!

**DISCLAIMER:** Fan-fiction means fan-written means written by fan means FAN not AUTHOR and thus don't own. No profits are made, no real life person's reputation was damaged. No sue-ability. Please.

**WARNINGS: **Dirty mouths and scary depictions of fangirls. And boobies.

* * *

**Track 02 In Which Three Fans Make Two Mistakes Concerning One Favorite Crew Member**

Kuroko sighs wearily as he sets a box of God-knows-what-crap-Midorima-kun's-got-this-time down on the table of the lounge. He was exhausted and the concert hadn't even begun yet.

He checks his watch, a 'TarePanda Special Edition: Christmas!' watch that Midorima had given him on Midorima's birthday. He didn't understand the logic of that, but the panda was kind of cute, so he didn't object. It was currently a few hours away from the concert, but the members of Kiseki GENERATION (or Kise-GEN for short) had scheduled a meet-and-greet/autograph session for the most loyal (crazy and stalker-ish) of fans and so had gone out to do just that.

...Which meant he had about an hour or two of relax time—something he hasn't had the luxury of since four this morning—before World War III begins. He rubs at his eyes sleepily and lets out a cat-like yawn. Lazily, he flips open his phone to check his messages.

He idly clicks on the little star icon in his notification bar, the action more reflexive than intentional.

It was from his horoscope app. Now, Kuroko would have never installed such a pointless thing, but Midorima had been adamant about him trying out the new app. Thus after much nagging and pestering about 'dark omens' and how 'unfortunate things shall befall you if you don't obey LaLa—apparently the name of the girl who tells you the lucky item of the day', he finally does.

Kuroko frowns at today's 'lucky item of the day'. Why does that look so familiar? It looks like the weird-looking thing that was sitting at the top of the box of God-knows-what-crap-Midorima-kun's-got-this-time.

His eyes widen a fraction, and he quickly jumps over to the box of Midori-crap. It _was_ the weird-looking thing sitting at the top of the box! He blinks and holds up the stuffed frog that has a 'Pull Me!' sticker on its tongue. Kuroko pulls it. It starts singing. Kuroko promptly removes the battery pack. This was Midorima's lucky item!

If Midorima didn't have his lucky item of the day...

"Uh-oh..." he says out loud. Midorima without his lucky item of the day was equivalent to Momoi when she hadn't had a boyfriend in a month—ready to hurt small children. For the sake of those small children and their normal sane lives, Kuroko sighs, grabs the frog, and dashes out the door.

He had no idea where the autograph session was supposed to be, but figures that if he walks around a bit and picks up the source of the squealing and screaming and screeching, he'd get there. He smiles lightly to himself when the first soft ringing of a crowd enters his year. The smile drops lower and lower as the noise got louder and louder, however. Kuroko is certain his ears weren't built to handle such frequency. He doesn't know how the band does it all the time.

And so he finally arrives...at the wrong side of the crowd. He pouts nearly imperceptibly as he realizes he's currently standing at the back of a whole sea of fangirls. Well that sucks.

"Ano...excuse me..." He taps one of the girls on the shoulder and tries to squeeze through. It didn't surprise him that the girl didn't even notice him let alone part way for him.

"Kyaa! Ryou-chan! Over here!"

Kuroko cringes at the 'kyaa'. He always thought 'kyaa' was a sound one makes while executing a move in karate or tae-kwon-do.

"Aka-sama! Can you please sign my boobs?"

Kuroko has no idea what the fascination is with girls and having celebrities sign their chests. Wouldn't the ink wash right off? Unless they don't ever shower? Isn't that unhygienic? Also, being shirtless in front of Akashi-kun was very very dangerous. The redhead had once stated that the body was the perfect canvas, and that he would love for Kuroko to be his masterpiece sometime. Kuroko has no idea what that means, but he imagines scissors and the way the other's gold eye flickers disturbingly and decides he should never be shirtless in front of Akashi-kun.

"Dai-kun! I love you so much!"

Kuroko could have told the blue-haired girl who just shouted—did she dye her hair the same exact shade as Aomine-kun did?—that Aomine-kun strongly dislikes people calling him 'Dai-kun' or 'Dai-chan' or 'Dai-chin' (Murasakibara certainly did that just to piss him off). He has to applaud the tanned boy for not showing that dislike in front of their fans though. That smile looks just a smidgen forced to Kuroko's trained eye, however.

"Murappi! Can I have a hug?"

Kuroko received a hug from Murasakibara once; he nearly broke a rib. The purple-headed giant seemed rather apologetic afterwards and offered him a whole box of Yan-Yan's after. Yan-Yan's were Kuroko's favorite—especially vanilla. Unfortunately, the box Murasakibara had given him was expired, and so Kuroko ended up with a stomachache for two days. He learned that day that Murasakibara had a stomach of steal. Kuroko didn't.

"Shin-chan! Shin-chan! I'm a Cancer too! We're destined for each other!"

His eyes widen just a fraction as they finally zero in on the last member of Kise-GEN. (He had backed up and stood on his toes to try and see past the tree of hands and—why were all these girls taller than him? Unfair.) Huh. Midorima seems normal. Kuroko sighs with relief. So with all the craziness, it appears the stern boy hasn't realized he was missing his lucky item of the day yet.

"Haha, easy there, ladies! One at a time, no need to push!" Kise's warm voice comes filtering through the screams, though whatever he said next was quickly drowned by the chorus of 'kyaa! His voice is utter sexiness!' Kuroko can see the blond casting his charming smiles left and right against a background of sparkles and flowers. And—did he just do a hair flick like that one Canadian pop star...what's his name...Justin Beaver? Ah, it _was_ the hair flick just like Justin Beaver. Bieber. Whatever.

But his attention returns to the green-haired boy of the bunch.

A blond girl was reaching out over the ropes holding out a—shit. That's the ugly frog that sings! That's the lucky item of the day! _No!_ Kuroko wants to shout at the girl. _Don't make him realize he's forgot it!_

Too late.

"Shin-chan! I have a gift for you! It's today's lucky item of the day! See? It's Mellow-Kero—!" Ah. So _that's _what it was called. Kuroko glances down at the frog in his hands. Its lazy frog eyes stares back at him. It certainly does look mellow. "—and he's for you!" Crap.

Kuroko would like to take a moment to tell every fangirl they have that Midorima-kun is very very _very_ specific about his lucky items. First of all, Midorima-kun never takes lucky items from anyone he doesn't know personally—'Luck from a stranger can only bring danger!' is what LaLa recited one day, and Midorima-kun had obeyed it religiously since. Secondly—well. The first reason is enough, he supposes.

Alerts were sounding in his head now. The green-haired boy had frozen. A twitch was developing in his left eye. That was even more dangerous than a twitch developing in his right eye!

Crap.

The group was actually a ways down from where he stood. If he made his way through now, he could get to the front just as Midorima-kun gets there! Taking a deep breath, he slips into the fray of hair, cell-phones, nauseating perfume, glittery nails, heels—ow, he just got stepped on, boobies and screaming. Being invisible definitely had its perks, and this moment was one of them. He didn't think he'd be able to push his way to the front, considering that's what _every_ girl had been trying to do for the past ten minutes, but it was surprisingly easy to move forward. Actually, _he _wasn't doing any pushing—it was all the other people.

Until he hits a carriage.

Oh, sorry. It's a coach. A Coach purse.

The short boy rubs at his nose unhappily. Why was that bag so huge?

He looks up. He could see Midorima-kun now! The other boy was now visibly distressed—he was pushing at his glasses and clenching his jaw now. None of the girls seemed to have noticed; the blond girl was still trying to offer up her Kero-Mellow. Or was it Mellow-Kero? Kise glances at Midorima out of the corner of his eye and seems to notice something is not right.

Kuroko tries to edge forward. If only he could stick his arm through and—

"Oi what do you think you're doing, boy?"

Kuroko blinks. Was someone talking to _him_? Well, wonders never—

Someone grabs his arm in a rather vicious grip. He winces a bit at the nails digging into his arm. Actually, wait. He's just wincing because it's neon pink, orange and green on _every_ nail. Seriously? His retinas can't handle such bright colors...(Yes, so he has rather delicate senses. But he'd like to see any _other_ _sane_ person try to handle the same).

"We saw you sneaking your way up to the front, little boy. We all want to see them. What makes you think you're so special that Shin-chan's gonna take _your_ Kero-Mellow," one of three girls staring at him—oh goodness, she spent way too long in the tanning salon—sneers.

Ah, so it _was_ Kero-Mellow? Kuroko wants to point out that everyone was trying to get to the front, them included. Speaking of which, how _did_ they end up at the front? Wasn't it the girl with the Coach bag in front of him? Kuroko shakes his head. He's surprised he could hear them over the screaming. Then again, they were practically screaming into his ear. He hopes there isn't saliva on his ear. That'd be gross.

He tries to see beyond the three girls. Akashi-kun and Co. were getting closer. Midorima-kun didn't look any better. He was now _smiling_ at the girls. Smiling. Nervously. Midorima Shintarou isn't known for smiling. His stoicism is his selling point! He really needs to get Kero-Mellow or Mellow-Kero to the green-haired boy! "Um actually, this is Midorama-kun's—"

"What's with that? 'Midorama-kun'? What a lame fan. You don't even know his nickname," Fake-Tan's friend, a blond, interjects. "Hey, you're one of those few homos, right? That's why you're here? You're _that_ kind of fan? How gross..." Blondie makes a face while Fake-Tan mirrors it. Their third friend, a girl with a chest that was...bigger than Momoi's (is that possible?) also joins in the face-making. Kuroko wants to point out that the faces only made their ugly faces even uglier.

And what's this about homos? What did she mean by 'that' kind of fan? As he sees it, there's only one type of fan: scary.

"Um, I really need to—"

"Shut up and go to the back!" G-Cup (G comes after F in the alphabet, right?) shoves at him. It was sort of useless considering how pressed together they all were. Ah. Did he just see Murasakibara-kun look at him?

"Um..." Oh. The tall boy is making his way over now.

"Sorry, we can't let you gays defile our precious Kise-GEN boys," Fake-Tan winks mockingly at him, her super-long plastic eyelashes closing like an ugly Venus-fly-trap. Kuroko feels a sudden rush of sympathy for flies.

"Um..." He wants to warn them.

"You are _so_ annoying!" Blondie finally huffs before giving up and turning around (all three girls had been facing him up until now) just in time to see a giant Murasakibara looming over them.

"Murappi!" they scream simultaneously, clawing to thrust out their autograph pictures.

The purple-haired ignores them, lazily turns to Kuroko and asks instead, "Kuro-chin? Why are you here?"

"Ah...Midorima-kun—"

And before he's finished speaking, Murasakibara has reached into the fray, grabbed onto Kuroko's wrist and lifted him up by one arm. Kuroko tries not to look at the shocked and surprised faces of the girls around their immediate vicinity; he himself is trying not to frown at the discomfort being lifted by one arm causes. And really, he was not _that_ short.

And that is how he ends up standing on the other side of the rope.

"Ara...Kurokocchi?" Kise pauses his signing and shuffles over after sending out a quick reassurance that he'll get to the other girls with a smile. "What's going on?" he asks the two of them, curious and confused.

It doesn't take long for Aomine and Akashi to glance over as well. Akashi, upon seeing the familiar mop of light-blue hair, quickly smiles at the two girls he was signing autographs for—showing a row of sparkly white teeth—and says, "Excuse me for a moment, ladies. I believe there is a commotion that requires my attention." The two girls stood there in awe and slowly turn bluer and bluer until they realize that they had forgotten to breathe.

Aomine soon follows suit. Midorima seems to follow on reflex—it was obvious he was getting close to a break-down. His brows were doing some outlandish ritualistic dance and went back and forth between furrowed and raised. He kept wetting his lips and fiddling with his glasses.

A low murmur had now transcended the group of fangirls—this is the quietest Kuroko has ever seen them. Feet now planted thankfully back on the ground and surrounded by the entire cast of Kise-GEN, he suddenly feels very uncomfortable at the amount of attention Murasakibara's actions have drawn him.

"Hey, who is that?"

"Where?"

"There! In the center of Kise-GEN! That blue-haired boy!"

"Eh? Where'd he come from?"

"Is he a fan?"

"Is he their friend?"

"What's going on?"

"Atsushi," Akashi starts quietly enough so that pretty much the only people who can hear him are the circle of boys surrounding Kuroko. One sharp gold eye flickers over to Kuroko, who only stares back innocently. "What is the meaning of this?" he questions the tallest boy, eyes not leaving Kuroko's.

Before Murasakibara could answer, Kuroko cuts in, "Before that—" He quickly thrusts the Kero-Mellow into the green-haired boy's hands. "—here you go, Midorima-kun. You left it back with your other stuff."

Midorima stares at him for a few seconds before finally regaining enough of his senses to take his lucky item of the day. The tension finally recedes from his body, and it becomes apparent to Kuroko that the boy is on his way to recovery from the near-traumatic episode. He nods his thanks.

A collective shiver passes through the group.

Kise leans in and asks Kuroko, "You mean...Midorimacchi didn't have his lucky item?" When Kuroko nods, Kise pales and swallows thickly. "You're a superhero, Kurokocchi. You're a superhero," he mutters while patting Kuroko's back.

Aomine seems to understand the depth of the disaster that had been impending as well and sends Kuroko a grateful look.

"What are you guys doing?" their manager, Hyuuga Junpei, hisses as he comes up behind them. "Why are you guys huddled here and—Ah! Kuroko! When did you get here? Why are you here?" He screamed when Kuroko had said, 'Calm down, Hyuuga-san'.

"Hm...that's what I'd like to know too. Something happened besides our Kurokocchi giving Midorimacchi his lucky item?" the blond inquires while making a cute thinking face.

"Atsushi?" Akashi once again prompts the boy, purposefully emphasizing the other's name when he saw Kuroko open his mouth to speak out of the corner of his eye.

The tall boy eyes Fake-Tan and Blondie and G-Cup—who were now staring at them with faces of horror—and states, "Those three girls were bullying Kuro-chin," just low enough for the group members to hear.

Kuroko sort of pities those girls. It's not their fault—well, it _is_. They were being mean to him, but it's not like Kuroko would have wished _that_ upon them—that that one sentence statement had sealed their fates.

He dares not look up at the five pair of eyes now. Sure, they were all still smiling or appeared happy and casual, but it would be obvious to Kuroko—had he looked—that there was a certain hardness to each of their eyes as well as a glint of something dark. He suddenly visualizes Gaara's eyes from the anime, _Naruto_. Yeah. Kind of like that. Maybe less charcoal. Man he wishes he was a ninja. He'd make a great ninja.

"Is that so..." Akashi drawls out painfully slowly. Kuroko freezes. And he's not the only one. All the Kise-GEN members has picked up on their leader's dark aura, which was emitting 'KILL' intentions in tidal waves. The perfectly angelic smile (which is far far far more dangerous than the sadistic one and gave Kuroko nightmares the first time he saw it) really makes Akashi Seijuuro into the perfect devil.

Those girls are dead.

But not yet.

Akashi, always one to take control, takes his angelic smile and turns it on the crowd. He claps his hands twice for attention—not that he needs to—and calls out, "If I may have your attention for a moment, ladies. I would like to take this opportunity to introduce a very precious member of our Kiseki GENERATION team." He's smiling so sharply now, Kuroko feels that a glance from the redhead in one's direction would cut right through a person. "This person here is our wonderful and hard-working first crew member. Can everyone give him as well as our other support members a round of applause for their hard work?" His venomous tone was coated so thickly with sugar, Kuroko finally understands the phrasing, 'sweet poison'.

Murmurs ripple through the crowd for a moment.

"Crew member? Do you ever remember seeing him on stage?"

"No, what crew member? I remember seeing a pink-haired girl a couple of times."

"Was he there? Really? No way!"

"What? First crew member? This is the first I've heard! I thought I knew the whole support team!"

But—not likely to disobey the words of their favorite star—the fangirls soon begin applauding and cheering.

Kuroko sweat-drops at the amount of attention he's receiving. He shifts uncomfortably, which doesn't go unnoticed by Kise. The blond subtly moves in front of the small boy and blocks off the stares and says, "And with that, our special program has ended! Who wants more autographs and pictures?" He beams at the crowd, and immediately the screams return.

Kise chuckles charismatically. "Alright, but before that, I have another thing to add. Remember how on our website we mentioned taking one lucky group backstage after this?" A round of cheering goes around. "Well," he says, smirking and narrowing his eyes (is Kuroko the only one who notices the hint of evil in those eyes?), "we're surprising you by taking _another _group in as well!"

A series of gasps travels through the crowd followed by a monsoon of screams.

"And so these three lovely ladies right here..." He walks over to Fake-Tan, Blondie and G-Cup and puts a casual arm around Fake-Tan's shoulders, "...are the lucky winners alongside Ms. Yamada Aya's group!" he finishes with a bright smile. It's so bright that Kuroko can no longer see Kise's face. He shudders. There's something in that ridiculously _cheerful_ look that is haunting to the core.

He turns his attention back to the girls.

The three girls had paled several shades. From that and the way they look on at Kuroko in utter horror, it seems they've realized their mistake.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Akashi-kun smiling gleefully.

This looks bad.

* * *

Hyuuga Junpei is nervous. Why wouldn't he be? It's definitely not because of the fact that the three girls who had apparently picked on Kuroko earlier are now sitting in the couch opposite of the entire group of Kiseki GENERATION, who are very very _very_ fond of said boy that got picked on.

Hyuuga knows, with absolute confidence, that those charming smiles and friendly eyes are more deceiving than the God of Mischief himself. Those eyes, from Murasakibara's seemingly lazy ones to Akashi's clearly sadistic (how do fangirls not notice that?) ones promised one thing: murder. He knows, because he's their manager.

Which is why he is currently _not_ nervous at all.

He's not nervous about the fact that his band might be broken up because all five members were simultaneously charged with multiple accounts of homicide. Why, oh why, did he not invest in tranquilizer darts like Aida Riko—a good friend/maybe-something-more of his that managed her own boy duo—did?

He turns his attention back to their 'guests'.

The three girls look ready to faint.

Hyuuga doesn't blame them. Akashi looks ready to draw blood—for the love of Hecuba, where do those scissors come from? Aomine is glaring down at the girls with so much disgust and distaste. Midorima's glasses are pushed up at an angle so that a glare hid his eyes. Murasaki, normally dull-appearing and lazy, is alert and focused, grinding his teeth slowly as though he is imagining their bones between his jaws—he probably was. And Kise appears eerily emotionless, but Hyuuga can see the simmering fury underneath the exterior.

No doubt this was any fan's worst nightmare horrifyingly realized.

"Hello," greets the leader of Kiseki GENERATION, as though this were a lovely chat over afternoon tea. "First of all, I'd like to welcome you three _wonderful_ ladies..." he trails off, gesturing for the girls to state their names.

_No, don't do it!_ Hyuuga wants to scream. But he dares not interfere. Not after seeing the way Akashi is twirling his scissors so happily.

"...Satou Akane," Fake-Tan states reluctantly.

"I-Itou M-Megumi..." stutters G-Cup.

"Yamada...Saori..." whispers Blondie in horror.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, _Akane, Megumi _and_ Saori_," Akashi says cordially. His voice was laced with poison and dripped with honey. "Now..." Suddenly the redhead gives them a feral smile and slowly stalks over. "The three of you have made two very dire mistakes. Any guesses on what they are?"

Blondie is shaking her head so fast, Hyuuga is sure it would fall off. It wasn't so much of a 'no' as much as a denial of everything that was happening around her.

Fake-Tan has started crying.

G-Cup could only sit there in absolute terror.

Akashi places his hand against the wall and leans down right into Fake-Tan's face. "Your first mistake, girls, was being so _mean_—" At this, the heterochromatic-eyed boy pouts mock-hurtfully. "—to our precious Tetsuya."

The three girls' eyes flicker briefly over to the other members of Kise-GEN.

There was zero mercy.

"...And you want to know what your second mistake was?" Akashi breathes teasingly into Blondie's ear.

"Your second and more deadly mistake...was that _you noticed him_."

And those three girls were never heard from since.

Hyuuga helped bury the bodies. Oh, the things he did for this band...

**~End Track 02**

* * *

**End Notes:** And there's the second installment! I hope I didn't disappoint. I apologize for the intimidating depiction of the fangirls. By no means do I believe this is how real fangirls act. (Well, not most.) So yes, this was a cliché-yummy piece. Hopefully it was sweet but not too sugary!

Thanks to all of you lovely people who read! In the next track, another familiar redhead that ISN'T Akashi-kun will take the stage! Till next time!

_Next Track: _**In Which Two Bands Clash In A Game Of...**

**Anonymous Review Responses:**

**nickle28: **Thanks for reading! So glad you enjoyed it! Haha the writing is fast because I was too lazy to think up of intricate details. But yeah, I definitely wrote the first installment in Kuroko's point of view. He's so much fun! As for instruments...you know, I actually haven't decided yet whether or not to have them be a boy band (think the J-Pop singing groups where all five are vocals) or an actual band (like J-Rock). I could see both! But instruments are very attractive indeed...:3

**bluesclues: **No! I hadn't listened to their character songs! Of course, I did after you told me! Wow! Had no idea, nope! But I'll see if I can incorporate that somehow into my story! Thanks for the info! XD

**Guest: **Thank you for reading! Haha I thought the cut ties part was an overkill of a bad pun, but maybe that's what made it work! But really I just wanted to see Akashi-kun cut up more things. XD Hope this one didn't disappoint!

**Aneee: **Thank you thank you! I do love Akashi too. There's something about mysterious leaders that always draw me in. Especially one as BA as Akashi. :D


	3. Track 03: Game

**A/N: **Holy crap, guys...35 reviews for one chapter? You guys are killing me with your overwhelming support! I love you all! Really don't deserve you good people. But, I try to repay your awesomeness with some of my feeble talents so...here's track 3! Hope you guys continue to enjoy it! If not, well...apologies!

Haha so many of you were concerned with whether or not the girls actually died...well, Hyuuga-kun would like to apologize for exaggerating the truth just a little bit, but he'd also like to remind you that after the band was through with those girls, it shouldn't be their bodies you should all be worried about. ;)

Also, so much speculation on the other possible band/bands! Like I said in my first chapter, I have no plan or direction with this whatsoever, so people asking me about the uncrowned generals and whatnot took me by surprise! XD The only thing I had wanted for this story was to somehow feature most of the main characters, so the uncrowned/crownless generals shall be featured in some way (or its members shall come up), but man! You guys are totally on it way ahead of me!

I love all you awesome people!

As for the last topic of reviewers, who is part of the duo? Here it is, folks!

As usual, anonymous review replies are at the end of the chapter!

Hope you guys will enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER:** Fan-fiction means fan-written means written by fan means FAN not AUTHOR and thus don't own. No profits are made, no real life person's reputation was damaged. No sue-ability. Please.

**WARNINGS:** Over-competitiveness. And yelling.

* * *

**Track 03: In Which Two Bands Clash In a Game Of...**

"Ladies and gentlemen, good morning and welcome to Pura-Pura-Kyon's program of Celebrity Clash, where we have invited two very special groups to join us—right here—today! I am your host, Fukubara—"

"—and I am your co-host, Sonohara!"

"And we give you a very warm welcome to today's segment!"

"Well then, BaraBara-kun, would you like to introduce our guests for today?"

"Ah! Yes, of course. Today's guests are really big, you know? Just the other day, I had gone home to visit my grandmother, and my grandmother—she's rather old, you know, and can't tell left from right—my grandmother, she says to me, 'Ah. Is that you, Ken-chan?' And I say, 'Yes, obaa-san. It's me.' Then she stares at me through her little round glasses and asks me, 'Do you know Ryou-chan?' And I'm thinking, _what_? I go through my list of friends and can't recall anyone named Ryo or Ryousuke or whatnot. So I say, 'No, obaa-chan. I don't. Should I?' 'Cause here I'm thinking, 'Is this some cousin or uncle I've forgotten? Haha! My grandmother always brings up some long-lost relative and gets angry when I don't know them, you know? Something about no filialness."

"Yare yare...grandmothers can get like that I suppose. Luckily, mine just goes spa-hopping!"

"You lucky man. So anyways, she says, 'You should invite Ryou-chan to that show of yours.' And now I'm really confused. Now I'm really confused, because—"

"—because why was she asking you to invite this 'Ryou-chan' to your show, it's for stars and other high profile celebrities—"

"—Because of that! Yes! Who is 'Ryou-chan'? It wasn't until later on during dinner when the television is on and a replay of a Kiseki GENERATION concert is on and my grandmother starts saying, 'Ryou-chan is such a good boy. You should learn to be like him too', that I realize that Ryou-chan is referring to—"

"—Kise Ryouta-kun! Ahh...the ideal grandson, no?"

"The ideal grandson...I certainly hope that what my grandmother only views him as! But let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, you shouldn't be surprised if she doesn't! From four-year-old girls to eighty-year-old women, Kise-GEN has managed to capture the hearts of them _all_."

"Yes, indeed—this popular boy band group was formed three years ago and officially signed two years ago and shot to fame overnight with their debut CD, _Perfection. _This group of five boys, all between the ages of 18 and 22, has garnered a fan following like no other! They hit Platinum with their new single, _Drive_, selling over 2 million copies within the first month of release!"

"Please welcome our first guest, Kiseki GENERATION!"

* * *

Kuroko yawns.

He is bored.

They're currently at an interview/game-show and, having prepped and sent the boys out to the show, Kuroko now has nothing to do. So he starts wandering about aimlessly backstage. There are a few people shuffling around, and none of them pay him any attention.

How long is this show supposed to be? He pouts as the sound of cheering travels through the flimsy walls. Oh, so they just went on. He briefly wonders if the audience would notice if he actually went out with them.

Probably not.

He yawns again. He wishes he had his GameBoy. The other day, while cleaning out the band closet—it had been untouched since last year and had thus been overgrown with moss and indescribable organisms. Their manager claimed that they had discovered a new species of moss/lichen. He sent the samples to a nearby lab; they haven't received any results yet.

Anyways, the group held a rock-paper-scissors battle to see who would have to delve into this new, dangerous and unknown world. For some unfathomable and utterly frustrating reason—Kuroko actually pouted visibly and developed a minor tic in his eyebrows—he lost. He does not know why he lost, especially when Akashi-kun, due to his fondness for scissors, picked scissors _every time_.

It probably had something to do with that look he was giving Kuroko at the time. The 'I don't give a fuck what you say, my word is law' look. And so he obediently chose 'paper'. Like everyone else.

The instinct of self-preservation had kicked in above all else.

But anyways, one good thing that came out of being the brave pioneer was that he found an old GameBoy. The good old kind. The GameBoy Color kind. Oh, he remembered playing on those as a child. And the best thing was—there was a game inside it. Indeed, Pokemon: Gold, his favorite game, was inside that precious and nostalgic GameBoy Color.

So he spent the next week playing on that straight.

Much to the dismay of the band.

Kise did not bug him less than thirty-two times a day, whining at him to drop the game and join the real world. Midorima kept eyeing the device with distaste, as though games were despicable things that ruined lives. Akashi said nothing, but took to staring at Kuroko enough to unnerve him completely whenever the light-haired boy sat down and started playing away. Aomine looked like he really really really wanted to join in and occasionally threw in his own thoughts and advices (he's the one who taught Kuroko the cheats like cloning), but was far too intimidated by Akashi to sit down and play with Kuroko.

Only Murasakibara would sit down with him and trade insights on the game—even under the watchful eye of their band leader. Actually, Kuroko thinks Murasakibara deliberately sat down and talked to him when the redhead was watching. He wonders why.

But because of how easily distracted he was by the game, Hyuuga has banned him from bringing it to job sites.

Kuroko wants to pout. But nobody is around to see it so it would be a pointless gesture.

Damn, and he had just met up with the Elite Four! His level 74 Feraligatr was ready to kick some elite butt.

But that'll have to wait.

"No means no! You crazy girl!"

Ah. Now this seems interesting. Has he stumbled upon an argument? He peeks around the corner of the wall and sees three figures.

"What do you mean, no? You owe me enough that you should be attending at least four of these sorts of shows with a _nice big smile_ on your face and not one word of complaint! Get your asses out there, you idiots!"

Damn. That girl was yelling really really loud. She looks super angry too. Kuroko's eyes flicker over to a pair of tall boys. His eyes widen just a fraction. Isn't that...?

"No, damn it! Any show! Any show but the ones with _those_ guys on it—"

The red-haired guy—it was similar to Akashi's red hair but at the same time not—was now yelling back. Man, he was tall. Kuroko wonders if he'd be able to touch that flame-red hair if he jumped. It looks kind of fluffy...

"_Hah?_ Is that yet _another_ complaint I hear? After I _warned you so nicely_? Hmm?"

Kuroko shudders. That tone the girl had right there is a little too similar to their manager's—Hyuuga's—when he's in clutch mode—AKA 'We have less than two hours to finish twenty things so all you f***ing idiots better get your f***ing asses in gear and get some f***ing shit done so that I don't lose the last thread of humanity and f***ing tear you all apart for being f***ing idiots!' mode.

And then he makes a poor imitation of a street thug.

Kuroko doesn't like it when Hyuuga goes into clutch mode because his spit goes flying everywhere. And most likely, Kuroko is always standing within his spitting range. He does have a small umbrella that he carries around with him for such occasions though. It's a very cute mushroom-brella.

"Come now, Taiga. They've already gone on. We're up in ten. If we don't show, it just makes us look bad, and we'll be letting down our fans."

The dark-haired boy is very calm, a complete contrast to the girl and the red-haired boy.

"...Fine! Stupid manager...I'm going!"

Kuroko blinks. Ah. The red-haired boy is stomping his way. He should probably lea—

Wait.

Since when did the other boy end up right in front of—

BAM!

"OW! Mother of...! What the _hell_ did I just trip over? Some kind of frickin' invisible box?" the taller boy was growling while rubbing his knee, which he had hit just now.

Kuroko frowns. "That's rude. I'm not a box."

The other boy blinks. "Who said that? Is there a ghost here? Am I hearing things?" he quickly sputters out while his eyes darted around frantically.

"Here," Kuroko says blandly, used to this treatment. But even if he was used it, it never stops him from wondering if it really was just that difficult to see him. Honestly.

"Where?" the taller boy screams out in frustration, still peering into the poorly-lit area and squinting hard.

"Here," the small boy repeats, and then adds on for clarification since the other boy doesn't seem like he'll ever spot Kuroko without a bit of help (he doesn't seem to be the brains type), "Down here."

Kuroko blinks up at the other owlishly and watches disinterestedly as the expressions on the latter's face gradually change from confusion to registration to processing and finally to action.

A pair of eyes as crimson as the owner's hair finally meet his cool-blue ones.

"Ah! Ghost!" the other jump-scoots away, arms poised for attack. Really. As if you can fight hand-to-hand with a ghost. That is not physically possible. Then again, nothing about ghosts is physical so that's an unfair assessment. But then again on the then again, Kuroko isn't a ghost and is very much corporeal enough to receive a punch and have it hurt. So he would really appreciate it if the other boy didn't strike out at him.

But before he can say anything voicing his thoughts, another voice cuts in, "Taiga, you alright? We heard you shout—"

"This guy popped outta nowhere and scared the hell out of me! I tripped over him because of how invisible he was!" 'Taiga' is jabbing an accusing finger in Kuroko's direction. Kuroko eyes the finger distastefully.

The more level-headed boy takes his words into consideration and then replies, "Then shouldn't you apologize to him? Since it sounds like you ran into him. And knowing your size, Taiga, that's a little much for a little guy like him."

Kuroko's eye twitches. Just slightly. Microscopically. You can't tell it happened unless you were holding a magnifying glass to his eye and slow-motioned the moment. Really. But it was there. Kuroko doesn't enjoy being called 'little' or 'short' or 'vertically-challenged' or any other derogatory or even 'non-offensive' comment about his height. Honestly. If Akashi-kun was here, this would not stand (they were about the same height).

The redhead growls. Was he an animal or something? Like...a tiger? Wasn't tiger in English...'Taiga'? So he was named after a tiger? Maybe he _is _a tiger? Half-man, half-tiger? Kuroko recently watched a couple of movies about cross-species genetics thanks to an impromptu movie marathon Aomine sat him through. It sounded cool. He never knew Aomine-kun was such a big fan of American comics. He himself prefers anime. Like _Naruto_. His favorite character in the anime is Itachi. Because Itachi was really smart and didn't say much. Akashi's favorite character was Gaara. Because...Kuroko sweatdrops. Now that he thinks about it, there is an eerie similarity between the lead singer of Kise-GEN and that psychologically-unstable, violence-happy, quiet, red-headed...wait. Was he describing Gaara or Akashi-kun?

"I was about to apologize! Sheesh..." 'Taiga' mutters before turning back to Kuroko. "Sorry 'bout tripping over you like that..." he mumbles while scratching his head ferociously.

Kuroko takes a moment to assess his apology. It seems the other boy is sincere despite the gruff form the apology had taken. A faint smile crosses over his lips. "Apology accepted, Tiger-san."

'Tiger-san' blinks and lets his mouth hang open stupidly for a second before putting it to use, "It's Kagami. Kagami Taiga...'Tiger' makes me sound..."

Kuroko nods. "Kagami-kun, then. I am Kuroko Tetsuya. Nice to meet you." He offers a hand, which takes the other by surprise, but it doesn't take long before Kagami relaxes enough to accept the handshake. Kuroko tries not to wince at how firm the grip was. Did Kagami just take his _entire _hand into that handshake? And did his thumb just crack?

"Well, aside from the fact that you're like a frickin' ghost, you seem like an alright guy—" Kuroko subtly flexes his fingers and lets out an inward sigh. His thumb is still intact. Thank goodness. He still has to beat the Elite Four. "—What are you doing 'round here? You one of the techies or something?"

But before he can reply—seriously, what's with him and people interrupting him today?—one of the stage hands peaks around and says, "Oi SLAM!, you guys are up next!"

"Kay!" Kagami hollers in the guy's direction and turns back to Kuroko. "Well, nice meeting you, Kuroko. We gotta go now, though. Wish us luck on trouncing those Miracle losers!" He smirks and sticks out a thumbs-up before turning it into a thumbs-down. "They won't know what hit them!"

"Ah. Ok. Good luck," Kuroko says and give him a thumbs-up.

Kagami gives him one last smirk before disappearing around the corner.

A chuckle sounds from behind him. "Isn't it bad to wish the enemy 'good luck'?"

Kuroko turns around to face the dark-haired boy that had joined them earlier. He had almost forgotten the other boy was still here. So the boy knew who he was? Interesting. Some of his surprise must have shown on his face, however, because the next thing the other says is, "Don't be so impressed. I game with Murasakibara online. He talks about you guys sometimes." He smiles at Kuroko. "I think you know who I am, but a proper introduction is always necessary. I'm Himuro Tatsuya."

"Kuroko Tetsuya," Kuroko offers in return.

A bigger smile crosses Himuro's face. "Well, we're on now, so I have to go. Are you going to wish me good luck too?" he teases.

"Yes. Because you'll need it." Kuroko states bluntly. It's true. No matter what sort of trial the game-show hosts come up with, he's sure Kise-GEN—Akashi-kun—will win. Because Akashi simply doesn't believe in losing. He doesn't even hate losing. Losing just doesn't happen.

Himuro is taken by surprise for a second and then lets out a laugh. "Alright. It was a pleasure meeting you, Kuroko-kun."

"The pleasure is mine," Kuroko replies. Then he adds on, "Good luck."

"No thanks!" Himuro calls over his shoulder. "Keep your luck for your own team, Kuroko." And Kuroko swears that just for a second, he sees the benevolent smile flicker into a dangerous smirk.

He shudders.

It seems this game wouldn't be so easy after all.

* * *

Five minutes later, Kuroko retracts his statement. Not because this game _was_ easy. But because this game is ...

He's blinking at the game-show in progress from next to the audience bleachers.

This game is...

"Oh! And Kise-kun cut it really close there, everyone!"

This game is...

"But he's recovered remarkably, and look at that technique! I can never hope to achieve that finesse!"

This game is...

"Here comes another two-person maneuver—oh Aomine-kun is preparing for that jump. He's got to jump—"

This game...

"Oooh ouch. Aomine-kun doesn't make it through his shape."

...is Human Tetris...

Kuroko can't begin to describe how much lameness he feels radiating from the stage. This level of lameness...it starts to seep into his very core and twist at his guts. He doesn't even know if he should continue breathing, because this much lameness is just depressing.

"Oh! And that is a whole three minutes, forty-two seconds for Kiseki GENERATION, ladies and gentlemen! And now let's see if our SLAM! boys can beat that score!"

He watches as Kagami-kun and Himuro-kun take their places on the play zone backed by a pool of water. They are facing a giant curtain, which is where a series of enormous foam boards with Tetris-shaped holes come out on a wire. The players have to fit through the various shapes or else they'll be pushed into the water.

This game...is too lame.

If Kuroko was texting someone about this moment of lameness, his emoticon would have been this: -_-' He can't imagine how irked the band must be at the lameness cake that has been baked before them.

He looks off to the side away from the cameras, where Kise and Aomine were sopping wet but wearing identical smirks.

"Nice, Aominecchi! Those bastards won't be able to beat our awesome 3:42 score!"

On second thought...

"Yosha! Let's make them run out of shapes, Himuro!" Kagami shouts out passionately.

Kuroko sighs.

He is forever doomed with insane people.

**~End Track 03**

* * *

**End Notes: **Well! And that's that! I just want to say, in no way do I actually find Human Tetris lame. It is _hilarious_ and obviously is not a game I just made up. Just Youtube search 'Human Tetris' and you'll find some pretty funny videos. Oh Japan, you entertain me so much...

And now we have introduced Kagami and Himuro! Haha for those of you who were wondering what duo Riko managed, there's your answer! :)

I do hope to feature all the major characters at some point, and I certainly have my eyes set on involving 'Crownless' in some way...so be ready for that!

Thanks for reading and all of your continued support! Till next time!

_Next Track_: **In Which The Pizza Boy Is Actually A Girl.**

**Anonymous Review Replies:**

**Guest **("I feel really bad for Hyuuga...")**: **Hehehe poor Hyuuga, right? It's ok. He's rolling in dough from his pretty little boy band. And he still has his clutch mode if things go too far. XD Glad you liked this! Thanks!

**Guest **("Overprotective!GoM are always...")**: **I know, right? There's not as much GoM!protectiveness here but...we finally have Kuroko meet Kagami! And that can give way to much more of that in the future! Thanks for reading!

**jazlaura: **Hehe thanks! You should most definitely pity Kuroko first and foremost, because he's stuck in this strange world of craziness and can't get out! :D Glad you enjoyed it!

**fasya: **Here was more! Haha not so much overprotective!GoM here, but introducing Kagami to the fray definitely will see more of those moments too...XD Thanks for reading!

**guest **("this story is absolutely...")**: **Thank you! Thank you so much! So glad you're enjoying it!

**Ravencrow: **Haha thank you! I worried because to me, the first chapter still sounds the coolest. It's probably because I really like Akashi's character. Writing him is super fun. Writing the other's is fun too, but heheheh. Thanks for your support!


	4. Track 04: Pizza

**A/N: **Hi all! Whew! Sorry about this longer wait. I'm afraid it might start getting longer soon. . School's starting up again, and I've got crap-ton of things to prepare for and damn, I'm not ready! Switching majors is such a hassle, urgh.

As always, thanks for all the support and feedback! It really is all appreciated! Writers always love reading reviews and such. It's all very encouraging, and I'm glad so many of you are enjoying this! I just hope people don't start becoming bored of this...hahaha. ^-^'

I do apologize for the lack of responses to reviews (I've been trying to get to them), but I've been surprisingly busy for a week in summer. But seriously, guys...I did have to allot some time to the Olympics. Did you guys watch diving/swimming? It really doesn't help that their Speedos are all so tiny...XD Too much sexiness.

But YEAH! Can I hear a 'whoop whoop!' for Team USA? Especially the girls this time around! Lots of love to the Brits as well. They hosted a marvelous Olympics with amazing opening and closing ceremonies! And I am an Anglophile so...haha. And to all other nations, spectacular jobs! I love the Olympics.

Alright, well...here we go!

**DISCLAIMER:** Fan-fiction means fan-written means written by fan means FAN not AUTHOR and thus don't own. No profits are made, no real life person's reputation was damaged. No sue-ability. Please.

**WARNINGS:** Abuse of the word 'bitch' and over-mentions of boobies. Again.

* * *

**Track 04: In Which the Pizza Boy is Actually a Girl**

This was all Hyuuga Junpei's fault.

If only that tight-lipped bastard would just give up and _tell _her, she wouldn't have to go to all this trouble of squatting and hiding about behind the bushes (she'd like to remind everyone that squatting is a very tiring activity because it cuts off all the blood to your legs). Thinking about their earlier conversation brings another growl to her throat. "That jerk..." she harrumphs. Honestly! The nerve of men nowadays! He had the nerve to say _to her_, I'm sorry—I can't tell you that, _after_ she baked him a batch of red-velvet cupcakes with brownie bottoms (well, they might have been black-ish but whatever) and gave him her best batting-eyelashes move? What sane man could resist that?

Her stupid boyfriend, apparently.

Aren't you supposed to trust your significant other with all your deepest darkest secrets? Like how your band of five extremely sexy and gorgeous men who really ought not exist in this realm of earth and oh gods why is her boyfriend so lame can she trade him for one of them?

Riko shakes her head. No! That direction is forbidden! Those five boys definitely have some deep dark secret they are hiding for their success! That has to be it! There's no way they never showed up at _any_ venues only to become instant celebrities with their first album! Not. Possible! She still remembers picking up one of the J-Pop magazines last week and seeing those five boy's faces plastered on the cover for the first time ever. Nobody had any idea who they were just the day before that! So why were they on the cover? There's no way _at all _you can just pop out of nowhere and come out with that sort of music! Especially when her own boy duo has been around from since a year before them jerks! She's stress-gnawing on the branches and leaves of the bush she is hiding in now.

Where the hell did Junpei pick up this new band?

Riko has always prided herself in her good eye for talent and potential. Charisma, voice, stage presence, potential...these 'traits' were numerical data to her. Just spending one minute analyzing someone close up can allow her to read all of that in immediately. It is one of the reasons why she nearly earned her degree in psychology.

So why is it...that her emotionally-retarded and complete insight-lacking boyfriend was the one to pick up a dream team? She wants to scream! Argh! Some dog responds in the distance.

TODAY IS THE WORST DAY EVER!

So...not only did Junpei refuse to tell her what deep dark scary secret Rainbow-tachi—was the whole world blind or did no one else notice that those guys dyed their hair _in accordance to the rainbow_. Really?—were hiding, that slutty foreign bitch who can't keep her lips to herself (American greeting her ass), also known unfortunately as Kagami and Himuro's voice coach, had the utter _nerve_ to tell Riko that she was taking a week's vacation to Bora Bora with her new 'boyfriend'. REALLY!

This is how the conversation had gone:

Riko: Did you see the magazine last week? We need to step up our game! Where are Himuro and Kagami? I want you training with them everyday while I schedule appointments with a few important people—

Bitch (AKA Alex Garcia): What? Oh sorry, Riko dearest! But Ernesto's got us tickets to Bora Bora and we absolutely _must_ go!

Riko: What? You're under contract! You can't leave!

Bitch: Apologies! But the Bora Bora-ians await us! Tell Taiga and Tatsuya to keep practicing! Good luck, dear! *kisses Riko's cheeks*

Riko: COME BACK YOU STUPID COW!

Ah yes.

And then that bitch ran off with her chest bouncing up and down, laughing merrily with sparkles and bubbly happiness.

Riko hates happy people.

She looks down at her own chest.

"Hmph! Big chests are a liability anyways," she reassures herself. She smirks. Indeed! This disguise wouldn't have worked if she had giant boobies working against her! Riko: 1. Alex: 0.

So anyways. That bitch. Riko hope she's gets super sun-burnt or eaten by some giant whale. Wait. Were whales vegetarians? She shrugs. It wouldn't matter. If a whale accidentally inhales Alex, it wouldn't be bad either. Actually, it would be. She still needs that cow. Damn. Riko: 1. Alex: 1.

And then when she called up Himuro and Kagami, the two of them were unhelpful as well!

Himuro Tatsuya works as a model/actor for Crownless Entertainment in addition to his role in SLAM!, while Kagami wastes away his youth playing street basketball. So when Riko called them to tell them about their new and improved training/practicing schedule, she was met with: a) a rude bitchy girl (why were there so many bitches in the world) who picked up Himuro's phone and nastily told her he was unavailable and b) instant voicemail after one ring from Kagami, which meant that Kagami had _rejected _ her call! Going straight to voicemail means your phone is dead. Going to voicemail after five or six rings means no one answered. Going to voicemail after one or two rings means you refused to answer! Kagami you coward!

But that's fine.

Because today—tonight—she is going to extract the secret to Kiseki GENERATION's success. And then, the playing fields will finally even a bit. She wonders gleefully what she'll find today. A secret think tank composed of world genius writers? Some highly-effective and virtually undetectable pheromone perfume? A supercomputer that goes through all the networks and databases and skews the numbers to reflect a high popularity? Or perhaps, it really _is_ their own effort...but at the cost of their souls! Did they practice 24/7 under immense pressure and never stop to rest? Did they have get countless surgeries, and without make-up, you can see the surgical lines and scars? Perhaps technology has already advanced to the point of perception filters, and instantly lets you perceive five super hot and sexy and gorgeous and urgh their muscles and various auras of utter perfection will just make you melt into a puddle of orgasmic goo...uh...let's you perceive all that when in reality, they're five SUPER FAT AND UGLY OLD MEN!

The slamming of a car door distracts her, and she edges closer to the bush, peeking just above the edge of the hedge.

Yes! The pizza boy is here, just on time! Well at least Junpei was useful for _something_. He told her that the band ordered JPonka's Pizza every Friday night to this address.

Ok, Junpei didn't actually tell her.

She may or may not have 'been in the mood to bring her dearest darling a cutesie little bento box' today, and she may or may not have put some laxative into the food (there was a 95% chance Junpei would've needed the toilet even without the laxative, but she didn't like leaving things to chance). Oh her boy-toy—er...friend. His bravery and willingness to stomach—quite literally—anything she cooks is quite romantic sometimes. But most of the time, it's insulting.

But it is romantic sometimes too.

So...when Junpei was oh-so-romantically suffering in the cubicle of excretion for her sake, she may or may not have snuck around his desk. Unfortunately, she found nothing that screamed 'evidence of foul play/secret stuff that should never be revealed to the world'. But...she DID find a very old sticky note (it looked like it was permanently attached to the computer screen) that said:

"JPonka's:

(Phone) 3-1022-8896

(Address) 1-5-3 Yaesu, Chuo-ku  
Tokyo 100-8994

She then may or may not have called JPonka's.

JPonka's may or may not have automatically assumed she was calling on behalf of the band and ended up telling her about the three large pizzas the boys ordered every Friday. One cheese; one mushroom and half-bacon, extra cheese; and one pepperoni with olives on one half and anchovies on the other. She is kind of curious who liked the anchovies. She's betting that it's the green-haired guy. Yeah. Probably. The guitarist. Or was it keyboard-ist? Oh. She remembers him playing both...He looks like he'd have bad taste in pizza. Junpei did tell her about that guy's horoscope obsession (really, he did). Riko's got him pegged as one of those weird otakus ever since. Never mind the fact that he was actually the second or third most popular band member. Although, she thinks that has something to do with the way the fans have a tendency to 'pair' him up with Kise. She's skimmed a few blogs once. The 'guitar pair', was what they called it. Apparently they have a lot of sexual tension on stage. And off. Riko disagrees.

She'd rather see that blue-haired drummer and the red-haired vocalist together! Oh, the bad-boy pairing... She briefly wonders who would bottom? Maybe the red—a sudden chill travels through her. What was that?

BUT. Regardless of how she approached this, what matters is the result. And the result is that she now has a way to find out the secret!

As someone famous said, the ends justify the means!

Now...she just needs to convince the unsuspecting pizza boy that she is the good 'friend' who is trying to surprise one of them for his birthday...

* * *

"JPonka's delivery!" is the first thing she shouts out when the door opens to reveal a very gruff-looking purple-haired boy.

Oh man he's tall, is what Riko thinks nervously when she angles her head further back to try and fully view the towering giant. Riko's only seen him in the pictures, and though he certainly looked tall in those, she still never imagined him to be _this_ big in real life! So this was the bassist of Kise-GEN...

"Thanks," he murmurs before moving to shut the door.

"Wait!" she shouts. "Wh-What about the money? That's 3100 yen you owe me," she demands uncertainly. She hopes she remembered the price correctly.

The bassist only quirks a brow. He leans down to her eye-level and stares at her with a lazy look. "You..."

Crap! Has he found out? Riko's perspiring now. She can't be found out! She still has to find out their secret! Her eye flickers briefly over to the left to try and see through the crack of the door, but it was useless thanks to the way the giant boy's body had covered the entrance entirely.

"You're new, aren't you?" He scratches a chin lethargically.

Not even knowing how to answer anymore, Riko can only nod. She hopes that's the right answer. It's a 50-50 chance. "Y-Yeah...hehe...how'd you know?"

But the purple-haired boy doesn't reply and instead opens the door wide enough for her to enter. "We want to start a round of mahjong, but one of our players dropped out. Why don't you join us?"

Eh?

Riko blinks.

Eh?

She opens her mouth to say something.

Eh?

She closes them again.

EH?

It was...this easy?

Shaking off the shock of the unexpected turn of events in her favor, she inwardly smirks and outwardly smiles. "Sure!" Yes! This is her chance!

"Ah...but won't your boss get mad or something?" Droopy eyes met hers and for a second, Riko freezes up.

"Uh...nope! It's fine! Boss is...pretty lenient about times and all, haha! I have time for one round! Yeah!" Then she lets out a really loud and nervous laugh.

A sadistic smile spreads over the other's face. "Well, welcome to our humble abode then."

* * *

Five minutes later, Riko is really really really really _really_ regretting her decision.

Ten minutes later, she learns that the members of Kiseki GENERATION do not like to lose. At _anything_. If the murderous aura and invisible noose-like tension were any indication. She's currently caught between a three-way glare battle of death between the leader of the band (what's up with that freaky gold eye), bespectacled-kun, and the purple giant/person who led her into this trap. For goodness's sake! This is a game of mahjong! But the other three look like they are fighting a war!

She looks over at the other corner of the room longingly, where the blue-haired drummer and blond guitarist were playing Mario Kart _happily_ like _good friends_ and without auras of deep dark murder.

Fifteen minutes later, she makes up some poor excuse about leaving and runs out the door.

Twenty minutes later, she sits on the floor of the elevator and tries desperately to calm her erratic heartbeats. Your heart is supposed to sound like 'ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump', right? It's not supposed to sound like Rimsky-Korsakov's _Flight of the Bumblebees_...

"Breathe, woman, breathe!" she keeps chanting the mantra over and over again.

"Ok...just keep breathing...you're out of the crack house...no one got murdered. All your body parts are attached. Your body is in one piece, your mind...that's debatable... Keep breathing..."

After a few more minutes when she's finally calmed some, she groans.

"Damn! I forgot to look for their secret!" She thumps her head against the wall a few times and pouts unhappily. "Really!" she whines to herself and draws up her knees. "All that suffering for naught..."

Thinking about that room once again brings shivers to her entire being.

"Never again..." she mutters. "Rainbow-tachi is too scary..." She screws her eyes shut and starts rocking back and forth reassuringly. "Never again! Never again! Never again! Listen up, Riko! No secret is worth giving up your soul or life for! None! You don't need a big chest like that bitch! And you certainly don't need the secret to that damned Kiseki GENERATION's success! Never—"

"Um...are you planning on pressing a button?"

Riko freezes. Did someone say something? She looks around the elevator. The doors are closed. The elevator is empty. Is it a ghost?

"I'm over here..."

She swivels her head to the right. And suddenly—

"—AH!" She tries to jump away, but considering she had nestled herself nicely in the corner of the elevator, she only ends up hitting her head. "Ow!" She rubs her head frustratingly. "Who are you? When did you get in here?" she asks him frantically and suspiciously. Is he a ghost? He looks quite pale and his hair is a deathly-white.

Riko's watched plenty of horror movies. Perhaps he was an unfortunate young boy who got stuck in the elevator one night during a terrible storm, which snuffed out the entire power grid of the apartment complex. He probably spent a whole night in the cold dark elevator alone and desperate. He kept shouting for someone to answer his frightened calls...his pleas for help...but _no one answered._

And when he finally tries to climb out of the elevator doors by himself, the power comes back on. The elevator starts moving and—

SPLAT!

His body gets cut in half, killing him instantly.

And now he forever haunts the elevator, intent on letting others feel the same despair and fear he felt that night...

Riko's bottom lip begins to tremble. She shakes her head and shrinks further into the corner. When the boy takes a step towards her, she lashes out, "Don't take another step closer! I-I'm not the person that caused your death! Please seek peace in crossing over to the afterlife!"

"...But I'm not dead."

"Denial isn't healthy!"

"You walked into the elevator just as I was about to get out. But you didn't look very well, so I was going to ask you if you needed help getting to your bike or something. But then you started talking to yourself," the ghost-boy recounts very blandly.

Riko finally relaxes a little and peeks up at the ghost-boy. She blinks. Now that she's gotten a closer look, he doesn't _look_ like his body was cut in two. She looks down. His legs seem to be attached normally. It's not backwards, bent or skewed out of proportions.

And now that she's gotten a better look at him, she realizes that the boy's hair isn't white, but a really light shade of blue.

And he isn't _that_ pale—

Oh wait. Yes he is. He's just as invisible as ever.

"...You're not a ghost?" she asks tentatively, squinting at the stranger.

"No."

"Oh."

"..."

Riko starts laughing. Really loudly. Obnoxiously nervous laughter. "AHAHAHA! Oh...I'm so embarrassed...I'm sorry. AHAHAHA. AHAHAHA."

She stands up and presses the ground button.

"Eh...I'm really sorry for mistaking you for a ghost! Today's just been a terrible day! I'm really tired!" she starts rambling, not really caring for the nonsense spewing out of her mouth as much as attempting to dispel the awkwardness that had collected in the tiny elevator.

And because they were on the 22nd floor and the elevator moved about as quickly as a mine-shaft, she ends up recounting her entire day to the complete stranger, starting from the bitch called Alex Garcia, to the Mahjong Tournament of Doom that had just taken place five minutes prior.

DING!

"Oh well! Here's my stop! Bye bye!"

"Ah, wait—"

* * *

Kuroko stares after the girl blankly.

He blinks.

He sighs.

He shrugs.

He presses the 22nd floor button.

That poor girl.

He was going to tell her that Murasakibara-kun and Akashi-kun were probably just playing a joke on her...

...but somehow, he feels that probably wouldn't have made her feel any better.

Oh well.

And what was that 'secret' thing she was going on about?

Wasn't she the pizza girl?

Actually, Kuroko thought she was a boy at first. He cocks his head to the side thoughtfully. Now that he thinks about it, he's never met a pizza girl before. He didn't know they existed. Maybe he should have gotten an autograph, as proof that they do exist.

His eyes suddenly widen. If she's the pizza girl, then that means his anchovies pizza is here!

Kuroko smiles.

* * *

"...Murasakibara..." Midorima pushes on his glasses.

"Hmm?"

"Was that necessary?"

"What?"

"Scaring the pizza boy like that."

A shrug. "Aka-chin played along too."

A dark chuckle. "I wasn't."

"..."

"..."

The purple-haired boy breaks the silence. "...Muro-chin told me that their manager was planning something."

"Eh? Himuro? From SLAM!?" Kise interrupts while stumbling over to the table and ripping open a new box of pizza.

"You're too loud, Kise!" Aomine hisses while cutting in front of the blond.

"Shh! I'm trying to listen, Aominecchi!"

"That's the guy you game with online, right Murasakibara? Wha—get off me, you stupid blond!" The blue-haired boy tries to pry the other off with the hand not holding the pizza.

"But Aominecchi is standing in front of the pizza. I want some too!" the blond whines before snatching a piece.

"That's Tetsu's anchovy pizza—"

"Oops! I don't want that anyways. Where's my good ol' cheese?"

"It's right here, Kise," the bespectacled boy offers a slice to Kise.

"Yay! Can you feed it to me, Midorimacchi? Ahhhh—mmph!" Midorima shoves the entire slice into Kise's mouth.

"Hey Murasakibara, so what did their manager want?" Aomine asks over the chaos.

Murasakibara shrugs. "Who knows." A sadistic smile then spreads across his features. "But I called up Koga-chin and told him that there would be a slight change to today's order."

"Koganeicchi? I was looking forward to seeing him today," Kise sighs dramatically. "I did wonder why some random person delivered the pizza today instead of him... He was supposed to join me and Aominecchi in _Brawl_, you know?"

"It was quite fun...watching the expressions of excitement slowly morph into horror..." the tallest boy notes idly.

"Sadistic creep," Aomine mutters under his breath. Murasakibara shoots him a lazy look, but otherwise ignores the comment.

"Oh well. I do hope she isn't too scarred though. It'd be nice to play with her some more..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..._she_?"

"...Are you saying that the pizza boy...was actually a _girl_?"

"I didn't. You did. But yeah."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"That was a really good disguise!"

Aomine snorts. "I think it's because she had no chest."

At that moment, the door slams open right onto the blue-haired boy's toe.

"HOLY MOTHER OF—"

"I'm back," Kuroko says, blissfully unaware.

Four pairs of eyes are on him while another pair of eye is staring painfully at the ceiling.

"What?"

And no one mentioned boobies ever again.

**~End Track 04**

* * *

**End Notes:**

This was a bit different—from Riko's POV! Hopefully I didn't screw her up. I hope to try and update regularly still...but who knows. At least this story is in drabbles so it doesn't really matter if you read it all at once or one every...year...XD Lol jk. I still don't know how many chapters this will be, but hopefully everything in the summary will be incorporated, as well as the major characters. And then it'll probably be done-ish. We'll see.

Thanks for reading! Till next time!

_Next Track: _**In Which There Is a Misunderstanding About Porn**

**Anonymous Replies:**

**Mikuran: **Me neither! I never get bored of Akashi and his scissors. Isn't he just the best? Thanks for reading!

**Guest:** Thanks! Glad you liked it!

**moonray9: **Hi! Your PM was disabled so...here's your reply! Hehe thanks for all your kind praises! Yes yes, there will be more Kagami and Kuroko to come! He is a major player after all! And by all means, get married! I don't stand between the way of love! :D


	5. Track 05: Porn?

**A/N: **Hey there! Ok yay! Another update! Still somewhat on time! So the next one might take a while, haha. I'm moving back to campus this week, and I've got loads of paperwork/registration crap and job-related stuff to do.

But at least this one is up! :D I also wrote a short flangsty one-shot for anyone who is interested. It's called 'Lux Aeterna' and has a dash of KagamixKuroko since it's not so prevalent here. XD

Well...here's the chapter!

**DISCLAIMER:** Fan-fiction means fan-written means written by fan means FAN not AUTHOR and thus don't own. No profits are made, no real life person's reputation was damaged. No sue-ability. Please.

**WARNINGS:** Porn. Not literally. Just a 'police' magazine.

* * *

**Track 05: ****In Which There Is a Misunderstanding About Porn**

After three years of celebrity status, international recognition, various concerts and tours and millionaire earnings, Akashi Seijuuro, lead singer of Kiseki GENERATION and number one on 'Sexiest Bachelor of the Year' by _Popteen_, was still living in Kuroko's spare bedroom.

To be honest, it didn't make much sense to move out, considering they were constantly hitting up venue after venue and oftentimes went on tours that would take them away from home for months at a time.

Having Akashi still living in his home meant that it was often invaded by the four other members of Kise-GEN. At unpredictable hours. Actually, he was sure that had it been _just_ Akashi or _just_ him living here, Kuroko wouldn't have to entertain the thought of acquiring a new lock—preferably with chain and double-bolts. It was probably because both he _and_ Akashi lived here that this place automatically became the unofficial hang out spot.

Kuroko is no longer surprised to come home to see Murasakibara snacking on his candy—he usually finds Kuroko's secret stash as well—Midorama sleeping on his couch, Kise and Aomine going at it hard on his Nintendo and Akashi doing...well, whatever it is he does in private. Or the few times Kuroko does see his sadistic roommate out in the open, he's usually sitting off in a corner and quietly observing the lot of them.

He's not surprised to see them at all, anymore. In fact, it's actually the others who are surprised to see him half the time. You'd think that the fact that he lives here would indicate it's not surprising to see him here, but the others still jump when he announces his presence (usually when his name is mentioned).

But today, he has errands to run and doesn't get back home till late.

And during that time...

"Hey is Kurokocchi really not here? He's not just invisible again?" Kise asks out loud after setting down the controller with a yawn.

"Kurochin isn't here. I checked," Murasakibara, the purple-headed giant of the group, mumbles through a mouthful of chips.

"Of course you checked. You want to make sure the coast is clear before you start on his stash," Midorima accuses while shooting the other man a chastising look. "I don't think Kuroko will appreciate you eating those. Those are his favorite."

Murasakibara pauses in his munching and looks down at his fingers and the bag, "Hmm...he's got good taste," and proceeds to munch again.

Kise stands up and jumps over Aomine's lap and tiptoes to one of the doors down the hall. "What if Kurokocchi is actually here? We should be the ones to surprise him then!" Then he vanishes behind the door connecting to Kuroko's room.

"Oi, Kise!" Aomine calls after the blond, irritated. "Tch...no sense for privacy, has he?" He shakes his head in dismay and holds up Kise's now-abandoned controller to Murasakibara. "Play?"

But before the taller boy could answer, there was a short yelp and a thud that came from the inside of Kuroko's room.

"Kise?" the blue-haired boy shouts, craning his head back slightly to try and catch sight of what was beyond the door. When he receives no answer, he frowns and gets up to check up on the errant blond. Curiosity roused, both Midorima and Murasakibara follow him.

When they enter Kuroko's room—it's nothing they haven't seen before—they find Kise hunched over a pile of...magazines?...on the floor. "Oi, you baka," Aomine prods as he walks over to the other. "What is that? Porn?" he asks dryly.

"...yeah..." came the quiet and shaky response.

It was silent for about two seconds before...

"What?"

"EHHH? REALLY? I was kidding!"

"Kurochin?"

And suddenly, the foreboding 'swish-swish', 'swish-swish' of a pair of scissors could be heard. "What's this about porn magazines in Tetsuya's room? Did one of _you_ introduce him to such filth? Because the Tetsuya I know is much too innocent for any of this _base_ material..." Sure enough, Akashi had emerged from his chambers appearing extremely cross and dangerously ticked. His heterochromatic eyes held a glint of malice as he eyed each of the other four threateningly.

Kise gulped. "Ano, Akashicchi—"

"Ah, was it you, _Ryouta_?" The scissors immediately trained in on him, and Kise had no idea when it happened, but the next thing he knew, he was staring down the tip of the scissors down his nose.

"Ah! It wasn't! I just tripped over these. They were sort of under his bed..." He hastily shoved all the magazines—there was literally a whole pile?—out into the open. "Jeez, not even I look at these magazines! I mean these are...these are...well..."

"Kurochin is into BDSM?" Murasakibara suddenly smirks sadistically, licking a lollipop—when'd he get that?—excruciatingly slow. "Interesting..."

"Oi, Murasakibara, keep your dirty thoughts away from Tetsu. I'm sure there's a..." Aomine glances back at the very obvious covers of girls in chains and handcuffs and gulps weakly. "...a comprehensible explanation for this."

Surprisingly, Murasakibara seems fully capable of ignoring Akashi's murderous glare. "Atsushi..." he hisses lowly.

"Aw man..." Kise slumps. "I always thought...I always thought Kurokocchi didn't really go for girls...not that that meant he went for _boys_, but...I didn't think he had interests in girls. But now..." He pouts unhappily, fantasies of cuddling with the puppy-like crew member destroyed by some girls holding guns in suggestive postures.

And suddenly, an atmosphere of gloom and tension fell over the room.

"There's a possibility he's bi..." Midorima starts, stroking his item of the day—a stuffed naked mole rat dog toy—for reassurance. He needs it. But what is this dark feeling that's growing? He strokes the naked mole rat quicker, but the dark feeling only grows!

"These are all girl magazines! They're yuri magazines! There's not a single guy in here! Ahhh Kurokocchi!" Kise wails after frantically flipping through a couple of magazines. "Ah! My eyes! I cannot unsee that! Why?" He's quick to shut the material after coming across one certain picture. A shiver runs up his spine. Why is there an ever more disturbing sensation than the picture creeping up on him?

"It...there's no way Tetsu owns those magazines...He's innocent..." Aomine blinks, bewildered. Is it just him, or did the temperature in the room abruptly drop a few degrees? And did it get darker too?

"Hmm...Kurochin losing his innocence, hmm?" Murasakibara crunched on a Pocky stick thoughtfully. "Ow," he mumbles upon biting the inside of his cheek accidentally. He tastes blood from the cut. Or was that blood in the air?

"_All of you_..."

The four other members of Kise-GEN freeze up and slowly and dreadfully turn towards their leader.

"_Why...are you all so interested in Tetsuya's __**innocence**__ and __**sexual orientation**__, huh?_"

They did their best not to look at the glint of metal as the scissors swished back and forth. They also did their best not to meet the dangerous eyes of their leader. It was difficult not to do both, especially since Akashi was willing them to do one of the two. They could feel the pull...the unspoken and absolute command of obedience!

"Um...why is everyone in my room?"

And with that, the entire cast of Kise-GEN whip around to find a doe-eyed and baffled light-haired boy standing and staring at all five of them.

Kise laughs nervously first. "Ah...Kurokocchi...um...Nothing! Just..."

Kuroko knows better than to accept Kise's words at face-value, especially since he can't look at the smaller boy straight in the eye. His blue eyes fall from Kise's face to the ground. "What's that?" he asks, and nearly jumps at the sudden and frantic chorus of 'nothing!'.

He takes a step forward.

"Tetsuya...why don't we all head outside first and then talk about this, hmm?" Akashi suggests, voice oozing with saccharine. It was enough to choke.

Kuroko blinks. "I'd like to know why everyone is in my room. And it seems like whatever is on the ground is the culprit, Akashi-kun." He points to the way everyone seemed to have shifted to cover up whatever was on the ground. Honestly. He knows a diversion tactic when he sees one. He _is_ the master of that, after all.

The entire group held their breath. The tension was so high in the room that any slight movement could cut a person to pieces—AKA Akashi's scissors.

The redhead flinched. His lips curl downwards, but he doesn't vocalize his discontent.

Everyone is shocked.

They knew that only Kuroko had some sort of a hold on the leader of Kise-GEN, but to actually deny Akashi and come out unscathed? The young crew member has suddenly gained a few more notches of respect from everyone except Akashi.

Akashi smiled. Perhaps not. Kuroko was bound to suffer for this one way or another later.

Everyone knew that.

Well, maybe with the exception of Kuroko himself.

Ignorance was bliss.

So the small boy pushes through the crowd to find—

"Ah."

Everyone sweat-dropped. 'Ah'? What did that mean? Did he actually recognize these magazines? Were those actually his? Was he really into yuri? Was he actually a sex-driven male who lusted only after girls? He's actually not that innocent?

"Satsu-nee must have left these." He blinks owlishly while picking one up.

A collective sigh and relieving thought of 'it's not his' heaves through the room, followed by a sudden spike in tension.

"Ah, Tetsu—" Aomine starts.

"—you shouldn't—" Kise continues, snatching the magazine quickly out of Kuroko's hands.

"—be looking at this," finishes Midorima.

The small crew member of Kise-GEN cocks his head to the side cutely. "Why not? Satsu-nee said that even though this was a police magazine, there's not really anything violent in it. She said I should look at it sometime."

Kise gulped. "You haven't...have you?"

Kuroko frowns. "No. Not yet. I don't understand what the big deal is though. It seems normal enough to me. Though I don't know why the policewomen are naked and on top of each other."

"Police..." Midorima starts.

"...magazines?" Aomine finishes.

_Does he really not know?_ Was the thought that traveled through all their minds.

**~End Track 05**

* * *

**End Notes: **Does he really? Who knows. Maybe Kuroko has a secret stash of yaoi mangas somewhere and—ok I'll stop there. Hopefully you enjoyed this! As always, feedback is love! I don't know what the next track will be yet, but I've got a few ideas floating around!

But in the meantime, I also wrote 'Lux Aeterna'! Shameless self-pimp here. XD

**Anonymous Review Replies:**

**Guest: **Hahaha the boobies part confused a lot of people, I think. You're not the only one. Eh...it was supposed to be karma, since Aomine was commenting about Riko's small chest and got karma-slapped via Kuroko opening the door on him. And so boobies became a forbidden topic. XD Thanks for reading!

Till next time!


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